breathe
by starfaes
Summary: 'I'm selfish.' She realizes that she's said it aloud when Emily murmurs an "I won't leave you," into her ear. "...and you're not selfish."


**_hoo boy this took me too long to write for some reason... i'm uh a bit late to the emilena party_**

 ** _they're precious and i love them...i also love tracer angst though so here u go_**

* * *

 _Today was rough._

She finally, _finally_ arrives home. Tracer guesses that it's probably around one in the morning. She's all cut up, bruised, battered and already dreading her girlfriend's reaction at the rather nasty scrape on her cheek. Tracer looks up and silently prays that Emily is sleeping or busy with something else so that she can patch herself up quietly. She winces as she opens the door and puts a hand on the large bruise on her torso. _Ah... nothing broken this time at least._ She thinks, closing the door behind her gently. Taking a deep breath before walking down the hall towards the living room, her heart drops when Emily turns away from the show she'd been watching on TV and looks at her.

Her girlfriend picks up the remote and turns the TV off, calmly getting up and greeting her with a hug and a kiss. Emily murmurs a gentle apology when she accidentally aggravates the bruise, and helps her shrug off the chronal accelerator. Tracer feels a small twinge of panic as it comes off, but tries her best to push it down and sighs with relief as she feels the weight on her chest disappear.

Although Emily seems to be nonchalant about her girlfriend's injuries, Tracer doesn't miss the hint of concern in her eyes, her _tired_ eyes. She immediately feels terrible and she doesn't know what prefers, the frantic, panicked Emily that had been more present during the first few months of their relationship, or the seemingly calm woman in front of her now. The fact that she's not as bothered as she used to be about Tracer coming home as injured as she is means that she's come to terms with what her job entails, that she's _used_ to it.

 _She shouldn't have to be_ , she thinks, staring down into her cup of tea as Emily places the chronal accelerator on its charging station. _She shouldn't have to be worried about her girlfriend coming home hurt or never coming home at all._ Tracer glances at the chronal accelerator. _She shouldn't be worried about her girlfriend disappearing._

"I grabbed the first aid kit," She loses her train of thought and is slightly startled when Emily sits on the couch with her, large white box in hand. "May not be able to do much, but..." She places the box on the coffee table and opens it, reaching for bandages and rubbing alcohol. "Are these the only ones?" She rubs along the cheek delicately, near the scrape, as Tracer shakes her head.

"I only have a few cuts and bruises, love, nothing that can't be patched up or won't go away in a while. Went to see Angie to get fixed up, but the poor woman was already overworking herself, I felt bad. Winston had a few bullets lodged in 'im, poor guy-"

She's interrupted by Emily giving her a sudden hug and burying her face in Tracer's shoulder. "I'm just... glad you're home, y'know?"

 _She shouldn't have to worry. She deserves better,_ she can't help thinking, hugging her tighter. _But I don't want her to leave._ She remembers the start of their relationship, despite being really good for the most part, as being slightly rocky, her insecurities often getting the best of her. So many people leave after finding out about her... condition and her past with Overwatch that it used to be hard for her to get too close to anyone. _I'm selfish._

She realizes that she's said it aloud when Emily murmurs an "I won't leave you," into her ear. "...and you're not selfish."

"But-"

Emily pulls back and her green eyes flash with anger. "Listen here, Lena Oxton. I know what I was getting into when we decided to start dating. I'm still aware of all the possibilities and risks that come with what you do. I know and I'm _still here_. So stop saying you're selfish," Emily's face softens as she gently caresses Tracer's cheek. "...because you're one of the most selfless people I know. Putting your life on the line for people you don't know, for people who want to harm you-" Emily places a hand on her chest, over her heart. "You've already had something taken from you," Tracer knows she's talking about the chronal accelerator, hazy memories of what she remembers of the Slipstream incident slipping back into her mind. "...and you still keep fighting." She exhales shakily, and leans her forehead on Tracer's own, looking at her with such fondness and love in her eyes that the brunette can't help but melt under her gaze."You give and don't expect anything back. It's one of the things that made me fall for you in the first place."

She wants to cry, almost, because how can Emily be so _good_ to her? How can she still be so good to her after the all the injuries and coming home late at night and going away for days or weeks? All the sleepless nights spent comforting Lena after she has nightmares she shouldn't be having anymore?

"It could happen again," Tracer says quietly. "Whether it happens while I'm 'round you or not, if the accelerator breaks or malfunctions or just stops working," She closes her eyes, feeling sick just imagining it. "I could disappear."

"I know," Emily smiles. "...and if you ever do, I won't stop fighting until I get you back. I'll do anything, if it means it'll get you back home, to me."

Despite feeling the tears she tries to hold back slowly trailing down her cheeks, Tracer laughs, because that's one of the reasons she remembers falling for _her_. Her determination, which mirrors, maybe even surpasses, her own.

"You can't let your fears prevent you from being happy. Besides," Tracer shudders at the feeling of her warm breath ghosting her lips, not realizing just how close Emily is until now. "I _want_ to stay." Emily murmurs before she leans in give her a kiss, slow and soft and sweet, and she forgets about Overwatch, omnics, Talon, Tracer and everything except for the woman in her arms. As much as she likes being a hero and saving the world, she hardly takes time for herself. She leans into Emily's hand as it caresses her cheek and takes a moment to be just _Lena_.


End file.
